


Fool's Gold

by Current_Queen_Of_Hell



Series: Always You [2]
Category: The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Actor Leo Valdez, Actress!Piper McLean, Anorexia, Eating Disorders, F/F, F/M, Fashion & Couture, Fashion Shows, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Minor Calypso/Leo Valdez, Multi, Past Jason Grace/Piper McLean, Singer Calypso, Singer Jason Grace, Sort of AU, Victoria's Secret
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:54:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25106521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Current_Queen_Of_Hell/pseuds/Current_Queen_Of_Hell
Summary: Piper finally books the Victoria's Secret Fashion show, not only as a model but as an Angel and she couldn't be happier. She's going to walk the most famous fashion show in the world wit ha pair of wings on her back. That is, until the girl who broke Piper's heart comes back into her life after returning home from a World tour. Piper is faced with the choice of seeing Calypso, her best friend's PR girlfriend again or running away from the chance to ever have anything worth while.Takes place within the same AU as Proof of Life in the Shadows, you don't strictly have to have read it but it's heavily advised
Relationships: Calypso/Piper McLean, Jason Grace/Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano, Nico di Angelo/Leo Valdez
Series: Always You [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1818391
Comments: 7
Kudos: 15





	1. Only Angel

**Author's Note:**

> This begins between chapter 7 and 8 of Proof of Life in the Shadows and will more or less run along with that story

Piper sits in her car. She grips the steering wheel tighter and tries very hard not to fall into a fit on panic. This is fine. It’s all fine. She booked the show and now she actually has to start working on it. She’ll be fine. Leo had told her she’ll be fine and so had Jason and even Reyna had texted her to wish her good luck.

Still, that doesn’t make the fidgety feeling in her hands go away. Not in the slightest. In fact, thinking about the messages and the unopened paragraph of a text her dad had sent her pushes her into another panicked frenzy. There is no way she can do this.

She looks outside and is duly disappointed that it’s not raining. It’s supposed to be raining. She feels like shit so the weather should act accordingly. But it’s not and Piper really hates that not even the weather will play along with her doubts. She wonders sometimes whether the universe just hates her.

She looks at the watch and realizes that she has no business sitting in her car panicking when she’s meant to be in the building in two minutes. Early is always better, Jo has ingrained in her. She misses the days where being late was her M.O and her and Leo would stroll into class fifteen minutes late, a glorious prank left in their wake. Those were her own personal glory days.

Reluctantly she unhooks her seatbelt and pushes the car door open. At least, if it’s not raining, her hair won’t be ruined. She’d spent too much time this morning trying to wrestle it into a bun to let it be ruined now. She misses her choppy and wild hair that felt so much more like her. Now it’s perfectly cut and styled.

Piper takes a deep breath and channels the confidence she used to stroll into class with to try and appear more at ease than she actually is. It’s only a fitting, she tells herself. One fitting and she’ll be out of there and back at home with a bucket of ice cream and Netflix. One day of cheat food won’t ruin her body, her trainer won’t even notice.

She pushes the door to the skyscraper open and tries to ignore the scent of rich people Febreze in favor of staring at the rest of the room. It’s all expensive and fancy looking, and Piper is afraid she’ll accidentally break something if she sits down. So, she saunters up to the reception and places her hands on the counter to stop herself from fidgeting.

“Uh, Hi. I’m Piper McLean, here for the Victoria Secret Fashion Show fitting.” She says gaining more confidence as she speaks. The longer she speaks the more it’s alright. Speaking is something she’s good at. It’s something she can rely on. Wearing a pretty outfit and hoping that she looks good, not so much. That relies on her ability to control her food cravings not on her ability to find the right words. The latter had always been easier.

The woman at the desk nods and looks through her computer for a few seconds before smiling at Piper and handing her a lanyard with a pass attached to it.

“On the 10th floor. Someone will pick you up at the elevator.”

Piper nods and thanks the woman before entering the elevator. The music isn’t doing much to calm her down and she’s ready to smash it into pieces.

The thing about the show is, that she’s not just walking for it, she’s not just a model. Now she’s one of the twelve confirmed Angels. She’s been walking for Victoria secret for years now, had started with commercials, ready to wear fashion, Instagram ads and small photoshoots then worked her way up to the shows walking for Pink for two years and only then reaching the actual real VS Angel segments . But this? This is different. She has a contract now. Before she was hired on a case by case basis. Paid whenever they needed her and left alone for the rest of the year. Now though, she has a contract and she’s paid to not only walk the runway every year for two days but to promote the brand throughout the year, take part in photoshoots and generally be a walking VS billboard. It means actually being part of it. And it means a massive paycheck for two shows per year. 

When the elevator doors open there’s a woman already waiting for her asking Piper to follow her to the dressing room. Piper follows without second thought. It’s nature. They pass a bunch of important looking people and Piper calls out a hello to a few of them, most of whom she recognizes. It’s not the first VS fitting she’s been to and it certainly won’t be the last. But it’s a special one. It’s the first one with her brand-new contract and she’s nervous. She hasn’t seen her outfit yet and she doesn’t even know which segment she’s walking or whether she has wings or not. Hell, she doesn’t even know what segments there are this year. If Leo were here, he would definitely be laughing at her right now (right after assuring her that everything will be fine, but the point still stands).

The woman shows her the dressing room and the first thing Piper notices is the rack with two outfits. The next thing she notices are two women in the room. Piper knows this part. Still, she hasn’t gotten used to it yet. The woman who brought her there closes the door behind her as she leaves, and Piper is alone in a room with two other women who are meant to help her get dressed. It’s a strange concept, Piper thinks.

She gets undressed and they help her into the first outfit. It’s a dark blue garment with white gems connecting pieces and hanging off the bra and knickers. It’s gorgeous and Piper has to physically stop herself from admiring herself in the mirror for too long. She’s taking a billion pictures in this, she already knows.

One of the dressers clips a long train to the back part of her outfit. It’s long and flowy and slightly sheer. There are more gems and glitter on it. Piper feels like a princess running through a marble palace like this. She wants to keep the outfit, though she knows she won’t.

The shoes are thigh high and just as shiny. She still doesn’t know what exactly the segment is, but it must be something shiny.

One of the dressers pulls apart the bun that Piper worked on so hard and arranges the now only slightly wavy hair into beach waves. Piper hates them. She prefers keeping her hair messy, free, the way it falls. Not straightened or curled in a specific way. It seems boring to her. Everyone will have that hairstyle on the show. Why not do more fun ones?

Piper grabs the trail and stumbles her way out of the dressing room and to the fitting. When she walks in there’s a loud whooping sound from several people in the room. She can’t force the grin off her face. Piper shyly makes her way in front of the white photo wall and stands there, ready for people to start touching her.

“You look fantastic! It’s almost perfect!” Karen, the woman responsible for the fitting is there. Next to her, Jake, the casting director, nods along.

“I feel perfect. It’s gorgeous.” Piper answers, unable to keep the excitement out of it.

“Why don’t we start working on it then, so it’ll be even more perfect, huh?”

Piper nods and lifts her arms so the three women around her can start fixing it. They readjust the train several times making it shorter and easier to walk in. They have piper walk up and down the room until they’re satisfied with the outfit. The sleeves have to be adjusted and after thirty minutes of wearing the bra, piper feels it digging into her sides painfully. The women in the room set on to fixing it the moment she mentions it. They tighten the boots a few times and pin the back to make it tighter. Piper feels like a living mannequin.

When she’s done, they send her back into the changing room to get the next outfit. She quickly gets out of her last outfit while they bring her the new outfit. When she sees it, she nearly faints. There are wings. They’re big and made of large white feathers with pieces of satin between them. Piper feels like she’s in heaven. In the years she’s been walking this is the first time she actually has wings. Not just that, but they’re big and pretty and perfect. Piper knows that this show will be the best of her life.

She gets into the second outfit as fast as she possibly can. It’s baby pink with white ruffles and a long train that looks like a skirt, except it’s open in front to reveal the bra and knickers. There are sleeves that reach her elbows and, most importantly (after the wings of course) is a whit tiara. It’s the best outfit Piper has ever seen, and she never wants to take it off again.

The women adjust it some more and then send her off to the actual fitting. Piper can’t wait to wear the outfit on a runway. It may only be half a minute actually out on the runway walking, maybe even a whole minute if she can drag it out, but it’s going to be the best day of her life.

Before she leaves the dressing room, she snaps a quick photo of her outfit to show Leo and Jason later. They’ve been asking about the outfits since she told them about the show.

The outfit doesn’t need too many adjustments, unlike the other and within fifteen minutes piper is finished and ready to go back and change into her normal, comparably boring clothes.

“Piper, why don’t you find your outfit on the board?” Karen asks her at the end. Piper is still wearing the outfit, towering over nearly everyone in the room. She stalks over to the pinboard with all the outfits and photos or drawings marked there in the order of appearance during the show. She looks at the end first, checking whether she’s the one closing the show. When she doesn’t find herself closing any of the segments, she looks in the middle. Still none. She wonders for a second whether they forgot her outfit, or if this is some sort of sick prank. Then she sees it out of her corner of her eye. A baby pink set with pretty white wings right at the very beginning of the list, before everyone else.

The breath in her chest catches and she thinks she’ll fall if she doesn’t hold on to something. It can’t be. She just got the angel title, they wouldn’t. But there it is, for anyone to see. Her face smiling at the camera, showcasing the pretty garment. And fuck, she thinks this might be the best day of her life.

“It’s taken nearly four years to get you signed as a VS angle for various reasons and you’ve been such an important part of our brand. Every VS model knows you and they admire you.” Jake starts, “That’s why, we’ve decided that you’ll be opening the show this year with the Princess Angel segment.”

Piper nearly cries. No, screw that, she cries. The tears are spilling out of her eyes before she can stop them. Her hands fly up to her face and she has to physically stop herself from shrieking. Her heart is beating out of her chest in a way that has her fearing it will break apart her ribcage.

“Oh my God, I don’t- I can’t-“ She tries to say but nothing comes out, past her euphoric laughing and crying.

Karen laughs with her and reaches over for a hug. Piper gladly accepts it and lets herself be held. There’s nothing that can top this. This marks the most amazing day in Piper’s life, hands down.

“I have to call my friends.” She mumbles into Karen’s shoulder. Karen nods and lets her go to get her phone. The moment Piper gets her hand on it she dials Leo’s number. It rings three times before he picks up. She tries to speak, but only sobs and sniffles spill out in midst of heavy breathing. She wipes at her eyes.

“Pipes? Are you okay?” Leo asks.

Piper tries to answer but all that comes out is another sniffle.

“Piper? Do you need me to pick you up? What’s wrong?”

“I’m opening the show.” She finally gets out.

“What?”

“They’ll let me open the show.”

“Holy fuck. You did it! I’m so proud of you!”

“I’m opening the show! Can you imagine? I’ll be the first to walk down the runway, before anyone else. And I’ll have wings. Leo, _I’ll have wings_. I’ll be a real Angel!”

“That is the best thing I’ve heard all week.”

Piper laughs, the tears still spilling form her face. “I can’t believe it. I’m opening the show. Four fucking years, and I finally get to do it. I think I’ll pass out.”

“Don’t. If you do, you won’t be able to open it.”

“Fuck, you’re right. But you’ll be there, right? You’ll come to the show and watch me, right?”

“Of course. I’ll be in the first row, recording the whole thing and cheering you on. I’ll post about it for weeks. Everyone will know. I’ll be like your mom at the show.”

“Don’t overreact. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Yes, it is. You’ll see, it’s the best thing to happen is the history of Beauty Queen and Repair boy. Next thing you know, you’ll get your own Vogue cover as well.”

“Yeah, right. Be realistic.” She says through bursts of laughter and tears.

“I am! Who knows, maybe that’s what will happen. You’ll transition from being Piper McLean international movie star, to being Piper McLean, Vogue poster girl and Chanel representative.”

Piper rolls her eyes doing her best to be annoyed. It’s hard to be when Leo’s being so supportive. She smiles to herself and presses the phone closer to her ear.

“Thank you, Leo. It means a lot.”

“Of course, that’s what friends are.” She can hear his smile through the, “Oh, also, Calypso sends her congratulations. I’m with her right now and she’s happy for you too. She can’t wait to see the show.”

Piper goes beet red and nearly drops her phone. Calypso is there. Calypso, Leo’s current girlfriend, heard that Piper will be walking in a VS fashion show in November. Piper’s crush just heard that Piper will be walking in a goddamn lingerie fashion show in front of 6 million people worldwide. Not just that, but Leo will probably bring Calypso to the show. It’ll be great publicity and their PR teams will go crazy over it. God, Piper is fucked. How is she supposed to walk down the runway all cool and sexy and relaxed when her crush of four years is sitting right there, probably in the front row. Piper might as well just die.

“Tell her thank you.” Piper squeaks out after a far too long break. Her voice cracks pathetically.

“You’re gonna do great!” Calypso’s voice echoes through the line. It’s muffled and almost too quiet to hear but it’s there. Which only makes it worse. It means that Calypso heard Piper’s pathetic sniffling and crying. No way, will she think Piper is cool now. Who cries over an outfit?

“Well, I’ll call Jason as well now. We’ll talk later.” She says addressing hurriedly Leo, “I’ll show you the photos of the outfits later.”

“Alright. Call me when you get home, I’ll come over.”

She hums in agreement and hangs up. God, that couldn’t have gone worse. Leo was great, but Calypso was there. Pretty, perfect, famous calypso was there and heard Piper cry. Absolutely ridiculous.

She takes a deep breath and clicks on Jason’s contact. He picks up immediately. Always the gentleman.

“Jason! Guess what!” She says the moment he picks up. She’s feeling a lot less like crying now.

“You won a million dollars?”

“I might as well have. But no. I’m opening the show.”

She can hear him gasp and then there’s a loud shriek, “Oh my god! That’s amazing! I’m so proud of you. Do you like your outfit?”  
“I love it. God, it’s so pretty. It’s the best one yet.”

“It’ll be amazing then. You’re going to be the best model there.”

“Nope, Angel. I’m an Angel now. I even have the wings to show it.”

“You have wings?” Jason shrieks.

“I do in fact have wings. They’re big and white and perfect and they go with my tiara.”

“What the fuck. You open the show, wear wings and get a tiara? Can I be a VS Angel?”

“Nah. I don’t think they hire men.”

“They should. I want wings and a tiara.”

“And two and a half million a year.”

“Just form Victoria’s Secret?”

“Yup.”

“Oh, to be a tall and thin model with a pretty face and nice lingerie.”

Piper grins, “Please, you make just as much. You’re topping the charts again. And you have another world tour planned.”

“Yeah, but I actually have to write stuff for it. Like bro, I’m meant to be working on an album right and it’s just not happening. I can’t.”

“Write it about Reyna, like usual.”

“I don’t write my albums about Reyna, that’d be stupid. It’s just not working anyway.”

“We should go on vacation again.” Piper suggests, “Last time you pumped out a full album and I got into shape enough to get hired as an Angel.”

Jason hums, thinking it over, “Maybe. But we’ll have to wait for Leo and you to be done with promo. Then we can go.”

“I have to do promo and the shows as well. We’ll just go at the end of the year, over Christmas or something.”

“We could do that, I guess. We’ll see. Look, I gotta go but we’re celebrating today. Dinner’s on me.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

He laughs and hangs up. Talking to Jason is nice. It’s calming and the exact opposite of Leo. Where Leo laughs and grins and yells all day long Jason smiles and hums and murmurs because speaking loudly is too much effort. They work together effortlessly. It’s a perfect balance when hanging out with them. Piper can’t wait to go out with them today.

She deposits her phone back in her bag and takes a deep breath. Around her everyone has already started to get ready for the next model to be fitted. Piper decides it’s high time to get out of there and go home. She thanks the people there and wishes Karen and Jacob a lovely day before going to change again. Taking the clothes off goes a lot faster than putting them on. She gives the outfit one last glance and then decides that she can wait a few more months until she’s allowed to wear it. It’ll be fine.

The way home is much less stressful than the way there had been. She hadn’t had a reason to panic on either ride, but the relief of knowing that she not only booked the show but that there are outfits and arrangements for her, is enough to calm her down. She spends the entire drive in a trance, just barely there enough to not miss any red lights. She blasts Taylor Swifts songs at top volume and focuses on nothing but the fact that she made it.

Honestly, Piper should have probably had her driver take her to the meeting. The way she keeps spacing out, is probably not good when driving. Neither had the panic on the way to the fitting been. Having Harrison or her own personal driver take her there would have been safer. But Piper has never liked them. She hates being chauffeured around like she’s some princess too good to drive herself. She knows that Leo hates it just as much, but he’s also not supposed to drive himself, as appointed by his shrink. Not that that ever stops him, but Piper appreciates that she has more freedom than he does.

When she finally arrives home, she’s greeted by Buzz. He’s a big St. Bernard she got a few years ago. Leo and Jason had helped her pick him out. Jason had then decided to name him, saying that he reminded him of Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story. Piper had laughed whenever she’d called Buzz for the first few weeks of having him. The image of a dog in the green and white space suit had just been too much. He’s the best thing about earning so much money. It allows her to not only afford a dog, but also afford someone to take care of him when she’s gone doing promo or whatever else it is, she has to do. Like a Victoria’s Secret show.

Buzz barks and nuzzles at her excitedly, his tail wagging.

“I’m here, I’m here.” She tells him, already kneeling down to pet him between the ears, “Who’s my favorite boy? Hm?”

He barks two times and pushes his head against her chest.

She grins and scratches some more, “That’s right. It’s you. My own personal superhero.”

Piper pushes her face in his neck and holds him close, welcoming the comforting warmth of fur after the day she’s had. She feels like she could easily fall asleep like this, cuddled into her dog with nothing else to do but stay with him. He feels warm and familiar and Piper thinks she finally feels at home. Not when she walked through the door or when she dropped her keys or when she took of her shoes and coat. She nuzzles closer to him and stays like that. Buzz pushes his face into her in answer.

Days like these, Piper is thankful to not be alone. She remembers living with Leo when they started this whole thing. It’d easily been the best time of her life. Then Jason had moved in with them. The three of them against the world. Jason used to drive them to auditions and callbacks and Piper and Leo would go to any one of his shows, hand out flyers and tickets and mention him to any producers they met. For a while Piper always took Jason as her date. Leo had volunteered as well, but the idea had been shot down by their PR team. So, Piper had spent years going to events and award shows with Jason in town. In return he took her to his events. It turned into a PR thing. Their teams must have realized that the public was eating them up like dessert. Soon enough Piper was doing pap walks with her best friend and coming home to her other. It’d been perfect for a while. Until Piper actually caught feelings for someone that wasn’t Jason.

Piper had met Calypso when she was nineteen. Jason had introduced her to Leo and Piper. At the time Jason had been going on his first world tour to promote his debut album and Calypso had been his opening act. She’d been playing amazing music and Piper had instantly gotten attached to her. Calypso began coming over even after the tour was over and her and Piper actually became friends. They’d go out for lunch or have manicures if Piper was ever feeling particularly girly. At the same time, they’d go to watch movies or basketball games. It was perfect. Piper had had all her favorite people around her. Her dad was a call and a single flight away, and for the first-time in her life paying attention to her. She was living with her two best friends and the girl she was half in love with was giving her attention. It was perfect. More than perfect even.

Piper didn’t care much about her sexuality. She never did, whoever she found attractive that’s who she liked. Her PR team had shut it down just as quickly as they’d shut Leo down. Any mention of a same sex relationship was killed before it could even enter her mind. Piper remembers sitting in their apartment with Leo and crying because she felt that she was broken. That there must be something wrong with her for her not to be allowed to love whoever she wanted. She remembers Leo holding her and trying so hard not to cry with her. They got up the next day and pretended that nothing ever happened and went to interviews and radio shows. It was business as usual. Piper got used to it and eventually the tears stopped and the tired resignation set in.

Then Leo started dating Calypso. It was his first PR relationship and the first and last one he had feelings for. Piper remembers smiling and then locking herself in the bathroom and taking the coldest shower she’d ever taken. She remembers blank smiles and excited laughter as she watched her best friend and the girl she may as well have been in love with start an on-again-off-again relationship. Most importantly she remembers feeling like her PR team was right. Real relationships and feelings only break you. It’s best not to catch feelings lest you let them break you.

That was the day Piper decided Calypso was off limits and that she wasn’t worth the trouble. It was the day Piper decided love has no place in her life.

Piper’s been doing well with ignoring her feelings and making them go away. They’d been mostly gone. Almost completely even. Calypso had gone on a world tour again (with a fantastic album) and her and Leo hadn’t been dating the last few months. Piper had had no reason to see her and the only interactions they’d had were mutual liking of Instagram posts and occasional comments on social media. Piper had taken it as a sign that she’d moved on with her life, so Piper had done the same. She’d started working more and begun hanging out with Lityerses on a regular basis.

Except now Calypso is back. And Piper knows that. She’s known for weeks, months even. She’d memorized Calypso’s tour dates until she couldn’t think of anything else anymore and she’d burned the date Calypso was set to return home into her mind. So yeah, theoretically Piper knows Calypso is back. She knows. She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. About what to say when she sees her again. Would it be awkward? Would all the feelings and fear be gone? Could Piper look her in the eyes again and smile and laugh like they were just friends? More importantly, could Piper watch Leo and Calypso make out and hold hands in public without batting an eye? Could she do that, or would she succumb to the feelings she’d tried too hard to bury within her soul? Piper isn’t sure she wants to know. She finds that if she thinks about it too much, she’ll pull the feelings from the depth of her heart and force them to resurface indefinitely.

Piper’s phone chimes next to her. She tries to ignore it. She’d rather keep cuddling Buzz and wallowing in her self-pity. It chimes again. And again. And once more. At the fifth chime Piper sighs and finally gets up. Her knees burn and her hands tingle from being buried under buzz for so long, but Piper forces herself to look at her phone, nonetheless. What if it’s Leo and he’s in trouble again, Piper can’t just not answer.

It's not Leo. It’s not Leo asking for a ride home or Jason sending her a demo. It’s not Reyna asking to have brunch and it’s not Lityerses sending her memes at god-knows what time it is for him either. It’s so much worse.

_ Calypso: _

_Hey!_

_How are you? :)_

_I missed you so much!! <3 <3_

_Congrats on the show, I’m so excited for you!!!!_

_We should hang out again soon, we have to catch up_

With five simple messages Calypso has reduced Piper entirely to a spluttering sixteen-year-old again. It’s unnerving and all Piper wants to do is chuck her phone across the room and never look at it again. To block the number and move across the world.

She unlocks her phone and opens her messages to read them properly. Calypso’s profile picture is glaring at her, a bright smile on her face. Piper took that picture when they went to Disney land. She remembers feeling she was on top of the world that day.

Piper shouldn’t answer. She knows. She shouldn’t even consider it. She really, really shouldn’t.

_ You: _

_I’d love to hang out_

Piper thinks if she writes anything else, she might spill her soul and ruin everything.

Her hand hovers over the send button for a long time. She sends it when Buzz nudges her leg and Piper figures now or never. She has time to cry later. There’s always another day to ignore texts.

_ Calypso: _

_Great!_

_Are you going to the premier next week?_

_Actually, ignore that of course you are it’s your movie_

_It was great by the way I loooooved it so much :)_

Piper hates that Calypso is so nice and she hates that she loves it. She resents the fact that she’s already excited to see Calypso at the Premier and that she hopes she’ll come along on their drop out. Even just so she can be around her. Piper hates how predictable she is and how no matter what she tells herself, she really hasn’t changed. Piper is still the same love-struck idiot she was at nineteen years old when she saw the folk singer for the first time.

_ You: _

_Yeah, I’ll be there_

_You’re going with Leo, right?_

_Maybe we can catch up there?_

_ Calypso: _

_Sounds great!_

_It’s going to be amazing_

_ You: _

_I’m taking Lit as my date so you guys can catch up as well_

_He misses you_

_ Calypso: _

_Tell him I miss him too_

_We should all get together again like we used to_

_Remember all the takeout and horrible movies?_

Of course, Piper remembers. She remembers every goddamn second of it. Every lingering touch and every shift of Calypso’s head on her shoulder. She remembers the movies they’d shown Calypso and the musicals they’d sung along to. Most of all, Piper remembers being in love. She doesn’t want to remember.

_ You: _

_Duh my trainer wouldn’t get off my ass for that_

_ Calypso: _

_Haha yeah but it was fun_

_We should do it again_

_ You:  _

_You’re off tour right, so we can like go for brunch again or something_

_ Calypso: _

_Oh my god, yes, we totally have to do that_

_I can’t wait_

_I’ve missed you_

_ You: _

_Me too_

_ Calypso: _

_I gotta go now, meeting with my stylist about the premier_

_I’ll text you later, yeah? :)_

_ You: _

_Have fun, see you later_

Piper chucks her phone across the room and at the sofa. Buzz hurls after it. She can’t get herself to care. She slides against the wall behind her until she can feel the cold wooden floor beneath her. She feels like a stupid teenager again. With ridiculous feelings and idiotic ideas. Piper wishes she could rewind and tell herself to never open those text messages. It would make life a billion times easier. She could have forgotten all about those stupid feelings and gone on with her life. If only she hadn’t called Leo earlier. A single call and she ruined every inch of progress she’d built herself over the last four years. All gone with one stupid mistake. Piper thinks that it must be her life’s theme. One tiny mistake and she’s sitting in her living room crying. If only she could rewind time. Just once.


	2. Sugar and Ice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Graphic descriptions of Anorexia and eating disorders, vague homophobia
> 
> I just want to say that my depiction of anorexia is based solely on my own experience with it and therefore may not apply to anyone or resonate with everyone who reads this
> 
> Not Beta'd as per usual lmao

Calypso watches as Piper downs shot after shot of vodka. She’s sitting at their table, expensive dress discarded long ago in favor of a tiny cocktail dress with a neckline falling down to her diaphragm. She looks like an angel about to fall from grace. Her hair has long abandoned the pretty updo it’d been in during the premier, now falling into her eyes haphazardly. Her make up is smudged around her eyes. Piper’s eyes have been teary since she started downing shots an hour ago. Calypso knows that if no one stops her, Piper will go on until the wee hours of the day and only leave when the club closes.

Calypso knows why she chose the vodka and she knows why she picked the dress. She’s seen it all on herself before.

Vodka has 97 calories. Calypso’s memorized it years ago and so has Piper. She’s downing it like she hasn’t eaten in weeks. Knowing Piper, she probably hasn’t. She’s hungry. Hungry for food and attention and a body she’ll never have.

Calypso’s seen it all before. She’s sat in a booth drowning herself in shots of vodka, counting calories in a haze and throwing it all up in the bathroom not even an hour later. She’s sat there with a pretty little dress, every bone visible, forcing people to look, forcing people to notice. The newspapers had eaten it up eagerly, begging for details, spinning wild accusations and theories. Calypso had relished in it. In the attention and more importantly control.

She’d spent thousands of Gods forsaken years on Ogygia, waiting for someone to love her, to mean it, to save her. She’d waited, watching everything happening around her. She’d watched her life slip out of her control, eventually being wholly dependent on the Gods and the men they sent. The Gods who couldn’t bother ever doing anything for her. The men who claimed they loved her simply to leave and never return. She’d had hope in the beginning, that the Gods may change their mind, or maybe even that a hero would save her. At first, she’d believed in it all, then after a while that hope turned into resentment and she’d cursed and screamed at the Gods. Stood in the ocean cursing and screaming for retribution, for justice and for freedom. She’d begged and cried and whispered. No one had answered.

She’d so desperately been looking for something to control. Food had been the only available option.

So, she’d stopped eating. Slowly at first, a skipped meal throughout the week, a dinner never prepared, and fruits never collected from the trees. Eventually she’d decided that if she didn’t need breakfast, then maybe she didn’t need lunch or dinner either and soon enough the only thing left had been an apple throughout the day and even that fell off the table soon. Calypso had basked in the control she’d felt suddenly. Every missed meal and every look in the mirror had validated her. For once in her life she’d had control of herself. No Gods and no heroes had a say in what, how much and when she ate. It felt liberating, exhilarating even. Suddenly she’d felt in control of herself again. It was a small thing, but it was the world to Calypso. Every missed meal was another inch of control conquered back.

Slowly, she’d replaced the lack of love she’d felt within herself with the feeling of success and control. She’d ignored every feeling other than the sense of success. She didn’t care that there was no one there to love her, all she cared about was that she made it through another day without food. Another meal, another day, another rib visible in the mirror, another inch of control back. It’d been the best feeling in the world at first. She felt like she was walking on air.

Then suddenly all her ribs were visible, and it still wasn’t enough. She’d thought that once she could see her ribs and fit her hand around her upper arm it’d be enough. It wasn’t. Every time she looked in the mirror it wasn’t enough. There had to be more. She’d thought that she’d have enough control to stop, enough strength to be reasonable. But there wasn’t. So, she’d continued, in hopes of maybe getting that last inch of control she needed.

More validation, more bone to jut out of her body, and one more meal to miss. Every apple she ate was an arrow into her soul and every inch of fat in her body was the personification of everything the Gods took from her.

She couldn’t die. She’d known, Gods, she’d been all too aware of it. So often had she tried to end it. To end the pain and the heartbreak but it never worked. Titans can’t die. Immune to death of any sort, be it disease or poison. She’d tried to drown herself but could never seem to take that final breath. She’d tried to hang herself, but her neck never did crack the way it was supposed to, and her breath never did run out either. She’d tried to cut herself but the gold that had slipped from her neck only stained her dress. Not even that did she have control over. Normal people kill themselves when it gets too much. They have the choice to end it. Calypso never did. She couldn’t just get out. She had to live with it all and keep going. She’d wanted so badly to fight in the war, even just to take her final breath. One last breath after too many she’d never wanted to take in the first place. She’d never gotten to take that breath. It’d never come.

But Percy Jackson had. Percy with the pretty green eyes and a promise dripping from his lips that Calypso had heard more time than she could count. Except he’d meant it. He’d promised to save her and save her he did.

She’d told the Gods and Chiron to fuck right off and for the first time in her life she’d had control of her destiny. Control not even restricting had given her.

She’d stepped into the guitar shop in New York and bought the cheapest guitar she could find. She’d done the one thing she’d always known how to do. It’d been the one thing that hadn’t changed in the thousands of years she’d been stuck in time. Sing. She’d sung until her lungs ached and even then, she’d kept going. People had loved her. They’d payed attention and tossed coins into the guitar case at her feet. For once, she’d felt truly alive.

She’d thought her need for control would go away, that she could go back to normal. Except there was no normal. She couldn’t remember a time where she didn’t think about fasting every day and where she didn’t hate herself for binging. Calypso hadn’t been able to remember who she was before she denied herself the right to food in a desperate attempt to regain control over her life. Sometimes she still thinks there never was a before. Just after.

She’d rocketed to fame in a matter of weeks. Once she’d figured out social media and started posting videos of herself online, she’d started getting offers left and right and soon enough Jo reached out, offering her management. Calypso had accepted and soon enough she’d started planning her first world tour after her debut album shot up the billboard to number one.

Leo had been her first relationship after leaving Ogygia. They’d met at a small venue she’d been partying at with a few industry friends. She’d introduced herself, trying to get to know the new kid everyone in the industry was talking about. He was cute and Calypso was curious.

They’d fallen into bed that night and for the first time in more than a thousand years, Calypso had felt the need for love again. She’d looked at Leo, sleeping in her bed, in her massive apartment with the sun seeping through the windows and longed for something permanent. She’d longed for someone to come home to, someone to love and cherish. Someone to love and cherish her.

The dieting never went away. Leo and her relationship turned into a PR one after a small attempt at dating and eventually Calypso began to understand that there is no room for love in the industry. Just PR and good press. The higher climbed up in the world the more she felt like she was back on Ogygia. The contracts got longer, and the management got stricter. Eventually Calypso began signing her name from muscle memory, never bothering to actually read what she was signing. Refusing was not an option.

The need for control came back and Calypso found herself in club bathroom taking anything she could get and downing shots like it was her lifeline, a tiny dress covering only the necessities to show the hard work. To show off the control she’d felt she had. With that came a sense of love she’d never expected but craved so deeply. She found a way to force people to love her. To pay attention to her and to stay with her. ‘ _Are you alright?_ ’ They’d ask, worried expressions on their faces, ‘ _You’re so cold, you should see a doctor_ ’ they’d tell her, ‘ _Have you eaten anything today? You look so small!_ ’

Calypso relished in the false sense of love. The worry and attention she’d been getting were like fuel to a fire. The more worried comments she got on social media the more she was spurred on to keep going.

Leo had understood. He hadn’t faced the same problem, but he’d understood. He’d smiled and clinked his glass with hers and downed shots until his eyes were watery and someone called an ambulance. They’d been in rehab together once.

Calypso had, for the first time in quite a while, felt like she was home. She’d hated her body and she hated herself for not being better, but she’d had someone who understood.

Except Leo hadn’t been the love she’d been looking for. He was home, but he could never give her what she wanted and to be honest, she couldn’t give it to him either.

Then she met Piper. Oh, Piper. An angel among the demons walking the earth. She’d smiled and grinned at Calypso and oh. That. That is what Calypso wanted. She’d wanted to wake up to that grin in the morning and take the person belonging to that grin out for a day at the park. She wanted to exist around Piper. To simply be.

She wouldn’t let herself. It wasn’t that she didn’t have a chance, it was that she didn’t think she deserved one. Piper came out as bi to their group when she was twenty. Calypso went on tour that year again. It was a sad attempt at distancing herself from the fact that Piper was available and a realistic goal. She could have Piper. The only thing in the way was herself. Calypso hadn’t wanted to think about it. She’d congratulated Piper, jokingly promised to set her up with another singer and then planned her world tour and disappeared from Piper’s life for a year for the first time. It became a recurring cycle.

Calypso hates it. She hates how she hates herself and she hates how she won’t allow herself anything or anyone.

She thinks she’s gotten better, likes to pretend she doesn’t fast anymore by calling it a diet and claiming that she’s staying in shape, when in reality she’s edging closer to 94lbs every time she steps on the scale. It’s disgusting. It’s unhealthy. It’s exhilarating.

* * *

Calypso calls a cab home at around three in the morning. Jason already took Piper home, promising to keep her safe. Calypso didn’t drink much. She hadn’t allowed herself to.

When she unlocks the door to Leo’s apartment, where she’s staying under orders of their PR team, she finds Leo laying on his bed, the bedroom door open. His phone is discarded next to him somewhere, the screen still lit. Calypso drops her purse by the door, toes off her shoes and rids herself of her dress. She snaps a quick photo of Leo and captions it with ‘ _I can see your halo_ ’ before posting it on Instagram. Her PR team will thank her in the morning. The more the two of them do to appear like a couple madly in love, the better.

The bath she draws herself is too hot. She doesn’t really care. It’s the only thing she can feel right now. It’s all she needs. She covers the mirrors before she dries off. She doesn’t want to see. Not now, not today. Not when there’s too much going on in her head.

Leo stirs when she walks by the room again. His brows are furrowed, and his hands keep twitching. He’s having another nightmare. Leo doesn’t scream. He told Calypso that he taught himself not to, during his stay at one of his foster homes.

She weighs the options before her. She could either go stay in her own room or go and sleep in Leo’s. The choice is easy.

She pulls the rest of her shirt over her chest and closes the door to the hallway behind her. Leo instinctively moves away from her when she reaches out.

“Leo,” She whispers, “It’s just me.”

He curls in on himself and Calypso gently squeezes his shoulder,

“Darling, wake up.”

He trembles and his eyes flutter open. Calypso smiles and sits on the bed with him.

“Come, move over. I’m tired.”

“You’re back already?” He asks

“It’s almost four. Go back to sleep.”

He nods and reaches for her hand. They fall asleep together like that. Calypso feels more comfortable in Leo’s bed than she feels in her own bed. It’s less cold.

She doesn’t dream. She hasn’t since the Gods released her. She’s not sure she ever will again. Somehow, she doesn’t mind. She’d take empty sleep over the horrific things Leo, Jason and Piper dream any day. They tell her sometimes, but not often. She doesn’t pry. It’s not her business. She knows she should ask. Their dreams could be important, possibly even a prophecy. They know as well. But that’s not how their friendship works. Their friendship is wholly based on _Live and let live_. They all know Leo’s depressed and two inches from death and drinking only to deal with the monsters they all fight so hard against. They all know that Jason writes songs instead of talking about how he feels, they know he thinks he has to be perfect otherwise he feels he’s not worth anything. They know Calypso doesn’t eat and they know Reyna works out for fear of growing weak and being unable to defend herself. Piper laughs and smiles and doesn’t eat for days and Lityerses hits his punching bag until his hands bleed and break because he doesn’t know how else to express the way he feels. They know. They always have. But it’s their way of coping. And they understand that. They understand that if Calypso didn’t have her addiction and the others didn’t have theirs, they’d all be six feet under by now. They don’t support it, they never have. But they don’t stop each other either. It’s not how it works. That’s not their type of friendship. Calypso thinks it could be. She thinks they’re all too afraid to be cared for enough for it to be. She doesn’t think it ever will be.

* * *

When she wakes it’s in a tangle of limbs and blankets that don’t keep her warm. Leo is lodged securely under her chin, his head resting on her chest. The only warmth she feels is radiating off of him. She can taste his hair in her mouth. She doesn’t mind. She’s used to it by now. He twitches and stirs, but never wakes. Calypso knows that if it was a normal, happy day he might stay in bed until noon and then make her lunch and they’d go out together. But it isn’t. It’s another row of interviews and promotional shots and Calypso has a commercial lined up.

She untangles herself from Leo and sits up slowly. The sun is shining brightly and for a second Calypso feels like it’s her first night with Leo again. Her first night as a free woman. She likes the feeling.

Her clothes are strewn all over the floor where she’d discarded them the day before. She could get new ones from her room in the apartment. Technically it’s a guest room, but in reality, Calypso is the only one who uses it. She’s decorated it and there’s a plant named Gustav there. It still feels empty. She likes Leo’s room better.

Getting clothes from her own dresser would be too much effort so Calypso settles on stealing some of Leo’s. They’re roughly the same size as her own clothes anyway. Leo and she have been sharing clothes as long as she can remember.

The mirror is a horrible liar and Calypso thinks Leo bought it at a funhouse. She runs her hands over her thighs and prods at the flesh, pulling it back behind her. A desperate attempt to see what thinner thighs might look like. She twists and turns in the mirror until she wants to vomit and burn the mirror. Calypso looks at herself and sees all the reasons no one ever stayed on Ogygia. She sees all the reasons no one cared to stay.

Her hair has been getting thinner and the hair on her arms thicker. She’ll wax it soon. She turns to see if there’s a bald spot somewhere. There isn’t. Not this time. Her hair isn’t falling out yet. She knows it will soon enough. She’s been there before, sitting on a throne of empty diet coke cans, brittle and broken demanding attention and love no one was capable of giving her. She’s been her goal weight and it wasn’t enough. It never will be. She knows. She can’t stop.

Leo, who’s finally fought through the drowsiness and woken up, is watching Calypso knowingly. He’s seen her prod and pinch at herself more times than either of them can count. He sighs and gets off the bed. Calypso feels him slipping his arms around her and a kiss pressed to the back of her head.

“Are you in for breakfast?” He asks.

“I don’t know.”

“Are poached eggs alright?”

“I think so.”  
“Do you want to help me cook?”

She shakes her head, and he hums. He knows she likes the control of cooking her own food. But not today. Leo lets go of her and leaves the room while pulling a shirt over his head. Calypso watches him go in the mirror.

She takes a deep breath and forces herself too look away from the mirror. She knows that if she keeps looking, she’ll never stop.

Her phone is buzzing with new messages coming in and Calypso wishes she could ignore it. She grabs the phone anyway and looks through the messages. The last one is from her manager Josephine. It says only ‘Call me’.

She lets her phone ring and waits for her to pick up. It takes only three rings and then she hears Jo’s familiar voice on the other line.

“Morning.” Calypso greets, “What did you want to talk about?”

“I have a job for you.” Jo says.

“Jo, I told you. I’m taking a break. I just got home from tour.”

“I know, honey. But this is big. This could be a massive boost to your career. Please just listen to me.”

“What is it?”

“They want you to sing at the Victoria’s Secret fashion show this year.”

Calypso thinks her heart stops beating.

“What?”

“Think about it, it would be great! You’re already massively known, but if you played the show you’d be _out there_.” Jo starts excitedly, “Not only that, but you’d be singing alongside Piper McLean. You guys are friends, she’s your boyfriend’s best friend. It’d be fantastic publicity. And you’d get to meet some other singers, a great possibility for future collabs. It’s going to be the best thing to happen all year.”

“Jo, slow down. I haven’t agreed yet.”

“Why not? Calypso, it’s a great chance. You get this offered all the time.”

“I know, I know. It’s just…” Calypso tries, unsure exactly why she’s hesitating.

“Honey, they’ve sent me the plan already. You’d be playing two segments, the first one and the last one.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Jo sighs, “Please. Calypso, I know that you’re tired and that you want a break but it’s one show. One last venue and then you’re done until next year. I’ll allow the vacation you lot were talking about. I won’t book you any venues and meetings during that time. Just this one last thing and you’re done.”

“I’m not sure. I’m done now, Jo.”

There’s a silence on the other end and then Jo speaks, “We’ll talk about your coming out. I’ll meet with the team after the show and we’ll figure out a plan. You can come out as bi.”

Calypso’s breath gets stuck in her throat and the room starts spinning around her. Everything starts getting blurry and Calypso can barely focus on the words.

“Do you mean that? I can come out?”

“Are you doing the show?”

She takes a deep breath and smooths her free hand over her shirt, trying to keep her voice even. “When do I have to come to rehearsal?”

She can practically hear Jo smiling through the line, “I knew you’d come through. I’ll text you the details later.”

“Jo, I swear if this is just to get me to play the show…”

“It’s not. I promise. We’ll figure it all out. I’ll be there every step of the way with you.”

“Thank you.” Calypso whispers into the phone. Jo hums and hangs up, promising to text her later.

Her chest fills with excitement and she can feel herself bouncing on the balls of her feet.

“Leo!” She calls out, already running into the kitchen area. He’s standing by the stove, barely able to put down the pan he’d been holding before Calypso barrels into him.

“Something wrong, sunshine?”

She shakes her head vigorously, “Jo said I can come out.”

“Wait seriously? Like for real?”

“Yeah. Well, not yet, but after this job she said she’d make a coming out plan.”

“What job is that?” Leo squeezes her one last time and then lets her go to finish breakfast. Calypso sits herself down on the counter, her hands fidgeting with the shirt she borrowed from Leo.

She mumbles the answer under her breath.

“Hm? You wanna say that again?”

“I said, they want me to play the Victoria’s Secret show.”

Leo nearly drops the spatula he’d been holding in his haste to turn around again, “You’re shitting me, right?”

“No. Jo just called and told me. I’ll be playing two segments, the first and last one respectively. She said it’ll be great publicity.”

“I thought you said you’d never play a VS show, why now?” He asks, “If Jo is cool with you coming out you could have asked for a different job. Hell, she could probably get the O2 sold out again.”

Calypso lowers her head a little bit, unable to look Leo in the eyes, “Because Piper is walking the show.”

“She’s walked the show before. Why this time?”

“Because I’m tired of running away from her all the time. I want to be around her, and I want her to know that I don’t hate her.”

“So you think you playing at her fashion show will tell her that? Do you even play her segment?” He asks skeptically.

“She’s opening the show, remember? And besides, she’s walking in lingerie. Leo I can’t say no to that. You know I can’t say no to her.”

“Technically you’re not saying no to her, you’re saying no to a job you’ve turned down before.”

“I know, I know. But Leo, it’s Piper. We’ll be at rehearsal together; I’ll have an excuse to spend more time with her. And I can watch her walking down a runway in lingerie and wings. C’mon, Leo you gotta admit that’s perfect. I’m a weak woman.”

“You’re so gone.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

Leo laughs loudly and shakes his head, “Alright, alright. Just know that I’ll film the entire thing so if you make a fool of yourself staring at Piper, I will post it online.”

“You’re the worst boyfriend in the world.”

“I love you too!”

“Not as much as I love Piper.”

“No one could love anyone that much.” He deadpans and shoves a pile of eggs on her plate. He adds avocado, tomatoes and some mozzarella balls for good measure. He puts more salt on her eggs than his own.

Calypso follows him to the dining table by the window and sits down across from him, taking her plate while she does.

“You’ll be there though, right?” She asks.

“Of course. I have to support you love birds.”

“We are not love birds. I have a thing for her and she’s just her amazing self.”

“Calypso, you have got to have noticed that she’s also into you.” He sounds desperate, “Please tell me you noticed.”

“She’s not into me. She’s out of my league, she wouldn’t want me.”

“And you know that how?”

“I just do. No one ever does.” Calypso says, “And besides, you’re just as oblivious about other people.”

“Oh really? Am I?”

“Yes. Your assistant clearly has a thing for you.”

“No, he doesn’t. All he does is brood all day and glare at everyone.”

“Please, Leo. Even if he didn’t have a thing for you, he’d at least find you hot.”

“Half the planet finds me hot, sunshine. That’s not proof.”

Calypso groans and waves her fork in the air, “This is why neither of us has a real relationship.”  
“At least we have each other.” He says smiling while shoving a forkful of eggs into his mouth.

Calypso nods, a small smile on her own lips, “At least that.”

Leo tells Calypso about the plans for his day and Calypso in turn tells him about hers. They talk about the premier and the MV Jason is planning to film.

“I think he should just man up and ask Reyna to be in it. He’s been in love with her for like five years now.” Calypso says absentmindedly as she cleans away her plate. Leo follows her into the kitchen.

“Right, the day he confesses is the day I die.” Leo tells her, “There’s no way he’s doing that.”

“I don’t see what the big deal is.”

“So, you would ask Pipes to be in an MV for you without hesitation, then?” Leo asks her cunningly.

Calypso nearly decks him, “Shut up that’s different. Piper is different. Reyna’s been in love with him for years now. The two are perfect for each other.”

Leo snorts, “For real though, it’s just a music video. I took my assistant to a premier. It’s no big deal.”

“You took the assistant you have a thing for to the premier, that is indeed a big deal. If you were my real boyfriend, I might even be jealous.”

“Oh please, you were jealous of me for making out with Piper in a movie more than you’re jealous of Nico for me being into him.”

“I can’t argue with that.”

Leo grins triumphantly and pumps his fist into the air, “I know, I’m always right.” He says, “I gotta get dressed and get going now though. I’ll probably be gone before you’re done in the bathroom.”

“Alright, just text me when you arrive. I wanna know you’re safe, yeah?”

He nods and presses a friendly kiss to her cheek, “Of course, sunshine. You text me too though.”

She nods and he disappears down the hall to his room. She breathes a sigh of relief and then collapses against the counter.

Coming out. Finally, after more than six years she may be able to be herself publicly. When Calypso had first returned to the mortal world she’d been shocked to find she wasn’t allowed to love women. She’d been used to it in the divine world. Anyone fucked anyone and whoever you loved that’s simply who you loved. Then she’d returned to the mortal world after thousands of years and found that you couldn’t be who you were. She’d been angry and told herself she’d freely be herself anyway. She wouldn’t let other people cage her in again. Then she’d joined Jo’s agency and been signed to a record label. They told her ‘straight sells better’. ‘No one likes a lesbian’ they’d said. Calypso had been furious, ready to fight. Jo had laid her hand on Calypso’s shoulder and told her to leave it be and deal with it.

‘If you want to be in this industry you have to adhere to the rules.’ Jo had said. Calypso had believed her. She’d let them shove her in the closet, arrange PR relationships and outings with men whose names she didn’t even know. She let them mandate her songs and what she could and couldn’t sing about. She settled for supporting the community but never joining it. She’d watched from the sidelines, with Leo beside her the same sour taste in his mouth.

The two of them had spent weeks hating each other when they’d first been put into the arrangement. Jo had set them up when Leo was first emerging, after their failed dating stunt. Jo had said it would be good for Leo to have an already established girlfriend and for Calypso it’d be good PR to be dating an actor. Calypso had hated Leo once it became public relations related, just like all other PR relationships. But she’d sucked it up.

And with Leo came Piper. They were a package deal at the time. Nothing could separate him. Calypso had used it to her advantage to get closer to Piper. Being Leo’s girlfriend had been an excuse to hang around Piper and get to know her.

And now Jo is saying Calypso can be free. Free of the things holding her back from being who she is. She’s ecstatic. Her heart is beating out of her chest and she can’t stop her hands from shaking while she gets dressed. She hasn’t felt this excited since the Gods released her.

She can feel a massive weight being lifted off her shoulders and for the first time in a long while Calypso feels excited for what’s to come.


End file.
